If you turn Covet into Celebrate:

6. No Killing

7. No Adultery

8. No stealing.

9. No lying

10. No coveting.

Fear

Coveting is a Covering

The following talk was presented to the Temple Beth Torah congregation in Fremont on July 19, 2013

Torah Talk – Pleading with the Eternal – a Jewish path to Understanding

Tonight’s Torah portion is from Deuteronomy 3:23 – 7:11. It is called “Va-et’chanan” which means “I pleaded with the Eternal.” It starts with Moses pleading to be allowed entry into the Promised Land and goes on to talk about various things, including a relisting of the 10 Commandments.

Coveting Stuff 

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For years I have been troubled by one of the 10 Commandments. Nine of the Commandments are clear and easy to understand, even if they are not always particularly easy to follow. But there is one very troubling commandment, “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s whatever!” This commandment bothers me because as soon as I realize that I am coveting something, I am in the midst of my envy!

[This talk focuses on coveting other people’s stuff; however the path to enlightenment includes a point where we stop coveting our own stuff. The actions of a good life are, studying Torah, performing deeds of loving kindness (practicing charity), and making peace where there is strife (healing the world). Practicing charity becomes easy when I assign little value to my personal possessions and focus more on my personal relationships. This aspect is a topic for another evening!]

I asked our Rabbi about this and he responded that it’s okay to have the feelings of envy. It is just not okay to act on them. Is it really okay for me to stare over the fence at my neighbor’s garden as long as I stay on my side of the fence?

His answer does not work for me, because in the midst of my envy, I may act in inconsiderate or spiteful ways without even realizing I’m doing it. I want to interrupt any inner negative process sooner, before there is any possibility of hurtful action. In society we are defined by our behavior, and angry or spiteful behavior is the sign of an unloving and uncaring person. A path toward being the kind of person I don’t want to be and don’t want to associate with.

I discussed my conundrum with my friend, Alan Gartner, who is a Christian, and has both formed and been a part of several churches through the 30 years of our acquaintance. He has spent a great deal of time studying and trying to understand both the Old and the New Testaments. Alan gave me several reading sources and suggested that there is no point in blaming my neighbor or being angry with my neighbor about his success. In fact, it’s only by looking to my neighbors and my friends and my acquaintances and noticing how their stuff makes them happy or sad that I get clarity as to what kinds of things I might like to have and what kinds of things I’d rather not have. If I rejoice in my neighbor’s successes, both of us are lifted up, however, if I envy his successes, he is not affected, but I bring myself down.

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Thinking over my friend’s words, I realized that during my life there have been many times when I’ve been forced to creatively solve a problem that some of my wealthier friends could just buy their way out of. At these times I’ve actually been glad that I’ve been granted a life of more moderate means.

My mother told me, “Marry for love. But it is just as easy to love a rich girl!” Well, that ship has sailed. Hi Phoebe, are you sure you don’t have a secret pile of gold hidden away somewhere?

Anyway, for years I’ve tried to solve my envy conundrum and in the last year, thanks to Alan Gartner, I have. The trick is to recognize that all human beings are members of my team. Together we are Team Humanity. That means that when I notice that somebody possesses something that’s really cool. I can celebrate with him. When I notice a neighbor’s success, I don’t have to envy her. I can party with them and their families, and glory in their success. Good job Team Humanity. This ability to root for our home team changes envy into celebration. In one instant, our world shifts from one of scarcity to one of abundance.

Something else happens with envy. When we are in the midst of envy the essence of our inner dialog is “G-d, you didn’t do a good job for me.” We are putting ourselves above G-d and critically judging his creation of us. To me, it seems more effective and, perhaps, more holy to accept G-d’s creation even when it seems incomplete or I don’t understand it.

By cheering for my teammate, whose success has given me insight into things I would like in my life, I am now saying, “G-d. This is wonderful. I like what you’ve done for him. I love it.” Now G-d can provide that for me or help me to provide that for myself or even provide something I really want or need more. What happens next doesn’t really matter. I have already been granted the opportunity to celebrate. And the celebration feels good!

Now, you might ask, “How effective is this? Really?”

It turns out that the envy prohibition is a key to socially responsible behavior. If you’ve handled envy, then you no longer have much reason to kill, steal, lie, or mess around. In fact, if you honor Mom, Dad and the Sabbath. It just boils down to fear G-d and stifle envy. [I made a table of the Commandments in short form. It is included at the end of this write-up.]

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This means that I don’t have to keep track of 10 Commandments and see how well I’m doing in all those arenas. I only have to learn from my envy, manage my envy, and glory in my envy in positive, life supporting ways. As I learn to celebrate from my envy, the rest of my world takes care of itself! I have a shot at becoming who I want to be: a mensch, a self-aware, compassionate human being.

This approach allows me to rejoice in the successes of Team Humanity and shout, “Yea team!”

Now that I have won that inner battle, or at least found a path to success, I want to get back to musing about Moses pleading with the Eternal to enter the Promised Land.

Entering the Promised Land

So, in our Torah portion, Moses, for the second time, asks G-d to be allowed into the Promised Land. He is again told, “No!” After 40 years in the desert, this is like being denied access to paradise. Why was he denied access? Well, we know that, Moses, by his actions, claimed credit for producing water from a rock, and that he actually broke the original 10 Commandment tablets, putting his righteous anger above G-d's words. Okay, he screwed up. But where does forgiveness and redemption fit into the equation?

A few months ago, during our community practice reading of the new Yom Kippur service, I came across a poem titled “My Child Wafts Peace” by the modern Israeli poet, Yehuda Amichai. A line from that poem that continues to haunt me is, “My daughter - the world promised you in your mother’s womb is beyond G-d’s ability to provide.” Each time I remember this line, I start to weep. I have brought children and eventually grandchildren into this world, and I cannot protect them!

My wisdom tells me that my most painful experiences have tended to be my greatest learning experiences. I want a full rich life for my progeny. And that means there will be joy and happiness in their lives, but also pain and suffering. Their lives will be full of growth and learning. I wanted life to be easy for them, but a worthwhile life is rarely easy.

No matter how hard we try, as intelligent thinking, caring, compassionate, adults, we realize that we cannot ever actually enter the Promised Land. We can only approach it. Our job is to attempt to heal the world, and the world is such that it cannot be completely healed in our lifetime. This is the nature of existence, this is the nature of our covenant with G-d, and I firmly believe that there are times when G-d weeps. Just as I weep when I see my children or the world’s children struggling to overcome real or imagined adversity, struggling to overcome suffering and injustice.

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And that includes even self-inflicted injustice! How many times have you watched a loved one repeat a mistake and, seemingly on purpose, avoid learning from it? How many times have we indulged in an old behavior that we know doesn’t ever work out well just because someday it might? 

Sometimes I think this is my daily practice! Thank you, G-d, for providing me with tomorrow as another day, or if not tomorrow, at least this next moment. I get another chance to wake up. I get another chance to learn from my mistakes. I get another chance to become, or at least approach becoming, the person I want to be.

Last week Ray, my oldest son, was visiting me accompanied by two of his children. For a number of years I raised Ray as a single parent and, as a result, we have a special bond. I summarized for him about what I was working on for this talk, and particularly how I feel about the fact that we are all unable to enter the Promised Land. In describing our plight (my plight!), my eyes filled with tears of frustration over my inability to protect those closest to my heart: my wife, my sons and daughters, my grandchildren.

Ray reached out to me, putting his hand on my shoulder and he said, “Dad, the Promised Land is here, right here, right now. We have to allow ourselves to choose to see it and accept it with gratitude!” And I looked into his untroubled quiet eyes and realized that he spoke absolute truth.

A moment before I had been consumed in the fires of my own fears, isolated in the midst of my drama; painfully aware of the discrepancy between the world I want and the world I have. I had been putting myself above G-d and saying my creation would be better! I had been indulging in envy for the world as it might be. I was coveting the world as it might be at the expense of the world as it is.

The absurdity of my position was driven home to me with the realization that: at that exact moment in time I was being touched and comforted by my beloved son, and I noticed as I looked past him that Sammy, his beloved 8-year-old son, not understanding but aware of Grandpa’s emotion, had come up and was leaning against his daddy, Ray, for comfort and support.

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Reaching down and touching Sammie’s head with his free hand, my son was reaching forward and backward across the generations and being the comforting, protecting, and enfolding daddy I strive to be in my best moments. And I was in bliss. As I could always have been had I only had the eyes to see, the strength of spirit to accept!

So it all comes back to the 10th commandment as a key to enlightenment. Accepting G-d’s creation as it is, including my moments of doubt, fear, and envy and replacing all these emotions with gratitude and celebration; practicing the last commandment encompasses practicing those before it. And as I remember the first commandment, “Thou shall have no other G-d before me.” I realize that my issues with the world come alive and gain power over me when I put myself, my ego, above the divine self and thus break the first commandments.

So the first and the last commandments , the alpha and omega of our Jewish rules for life, contain, when held together, the key to unending bliss. And with this practice, I have no problems with my life, only the joy and acceptance that is available to all of us right here, right now. Right on!

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And I say, let us all say, “Amen!”

                      AMEN (May it be so in truth)

My Summary of the 10 Commandments

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If you honor G-d:

1. I am G-d. Listen up!

2. No other gods

3. No blasphemy

4. Keep the Sabbath.

5. Honor parents.