Little Girl, I Love You

A Poem from Before Our Journey

Little Girl, I love You.

​When you were a baby I was afraid to touch you because you looked too small and delicate.
Amanda, I love you.
When you started to walk I followed behind you to catch you if you fell.
Mandy, I love you.
When you ran in the back yard your diaper would fall down because you behind was too small.
Sugar Candy, I love you.
​When you started talking you used full sentences.
They were so big coming out of your little mouth.
I laughed with tears of pride running down my cheeks.
​My daughter, I love you.
When you would ask me for a cookie I would want to give you the whole box.
Amanda Rochelle, I love you.
When I came home from work you ran to me and hugged my leg.
I was so happy that I no longer had a care in the world.
Amanda Rochelle Weiner, I love you.
When you and I would sit quietly and talk about giants and monsters and big brothers it was fun.
Little person, I love you.
When you and I went out to eat together, just us, it was great to be with my big girl.
My big girl, I love you.
When you talked to me and I looked into your big brown eyes, I wanted the moment to last forever.
Mandy, I love you.
When you and I played house you were the mommy and I was the baby. 

You took very good care of me.

Mandy, I love you.

Right now we cannot be together.

   I am sorry.

Right now we cannot play and talk.

   I am sorry.

Right now we cannot dance and roll on the floor.

   I am sorry.

Right now we cannot fight with each other.

   I am sorry.

Right now I cannot protect you from the bully.

   I am sorry.

Right now I cannot fix your broken dolls.

   I am sorry.

Right now I cannot talk to you alone.

   I am sorry.

Right now I cannot make everything all right.

   I am sorry.

​

But I love you little girl, I love you.

I miss you more than sunshine,

more than candy, almost

more than laughter.

I have your picture with me. You are wearing a funny purple shirt

with shapes all over it and purple pants that don’t match 

and a red jacket opened with the fuzzy hood thrown back.

I hug the picture sometimes because I am too far away to hug you.

​

Mandy, I love you.

                                                                                         Daddy

   Written in 1973, re-written in 2011 (almost 40 years, no change in feeling).

32GR

Summary of Three To Get Ready
2015

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Three To Get Ready - Camping across the United States in the Mid-1970's.

Introduction - A Spiritual Journey

I was blessed by my parents with the name Alan, I remember mom calling that me with a smile in her voice. When I was older I found out my Hebrew name was Avrham, I had been named after my Paternal Grandfather. Later I read Genesis and learned about Abraham. God tells Avrham to leave his home and settle in a new land. He does so and becomes abraham, father of nations.

I am far from a father of nations, but I do have several wonderful grandchildren and great grandchildren. So I must have done a few thing right. My spiritual journey started with my leaving my family in Cleveland and settling
in a new land, the Silicon Valley in the 1970’s. My tale is one of angst, anguish, and, eventually, answers. None of it was easy; all of it was a blessing, often in disguise. In my travels I learned to wake up occasionally and look at the world, in moments of stillness to hear God speaking in silence.

The journey included caring for others, raising children, having several careers, finding love, patience, and compassion. Along the way I met and was aided by fellow travelers, in thankfulness, I am writing this summary based on my journals and my memories. In telling my story I have been creative with the mundane aspects of my journey, I hope that my words entertain you. In telling my story I have been as accurate and as truthful as possible in relating the profound aspects of my journey. I hope that my words trouble, discomfort, expand, and enlighten you, helping you to recognize and appreciate your profound place in the world.

Central in my journey, was a two year stretch in the mid-1970’s when I traveled around America caring for myself and my two small children, starting many days anew in a different location; hence the title, “Three to Get Ready.”

Before Our Journey

Top on my list of life goals was to be a good daddy. When my first marriage broke up in the early '70's, separation from my children was very difficult for me as well as for them. Our family was split down the middle. After the divorce the "boys", Alan and Ray, moved to California, while the "girls", Judy and Mandy stayed in Ohio. 

Ray and I were good buddies from the day he showed up. By the time he was two years old, I had real clarity that he was, is, and will always be my teacher. When I was with him life was always a new, fascinating adventure. When I was about to bring Mandy home from the hospital, I said to him, "Ray, great news! You are getting a little sister." He looked up at me and furled his 2-1/2 year-old eyebrows, saying, "I don't need one." When she showed up he welcomed her as a new playmate. Now it was back to just the two boys. Below I repeat a poem about our time together.

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The fun we were having together still had holes in it. After I kissed Ray and put him to bed, I would often have trouble getting to sleep myself for my concern about Amanda. One evening  staring at her picture, I wrote a daddy love poem to my daughter. It is repeated below.

Our Journey

This is the story of how I took my two children, Raymond, who is six years old, and who has been my roommate for the past year, and Mandy who is four years old and has been her mom’s roommate for the past year, on a 10 week trip across the country for around $50 a week. The time was the mid 70’s so I imagine that this kind of trip would probably cost more today, (you think!), but it mostly relies on the natural tendency of people to help strangers and the ability of kindness to bring kindness. Although close to 40 years have passed, I believe that those values have not changed in America.

Purchase Options

Three to Get Ready is currently not available for purchase. I am still in the midst of the creative writing process. I do not think that this book will be ready for anyone to see for around nine months. I have lots of pieces but I have yet to fit them coherently together.